When Your First Friend Has a Baby

Writing this title makes me giggle. No, this is not a post about having my first child, something that is a ways away.

This is about my reaction to the first of my friends having a baby.

M, my friend and a former co-worker, gave birth to her first child yesterday and I can’t stop smiling when I think about them. This friend has been a calm, guiding light and confidant for a formative two years in my 20s. We’ve complained about work over countless margaritas and bonded over the anxious, loving relationships we share with our mothers. She’s someone whose counsel I seek and whose marriage I revere.

M is such a special person to me. I look up to her more than I realized, noticing that I vaguely model my timeline after hers. It goes like this:

• M got married at 26, so anytime after that is fine.
• M hasn’t had kids by 30, so I don’t need to before then.
• M wants to move back to her home state, so I still can too.

Etc., Etc.,

I remember looking at her during her 30th birthday party in December, wondering when she and her husband were going to have kids.

Two months later, I was crying in our after-work bar when she told me was pregnant. The bartender noticed our celebration, but clearly didn’t hear the reason since he sent over Jell-O shots to celebrate. (I dutifully drank hers).

I eagerly checked her Instagram each week to see what inanimate object was the same size as her baby. I poured over her registry, amazed at all the baby technology out there.

Four months after crying in the bar, I biked from Brooklyn to Central Park in the sticky, covid-summer to attend her baby shower. I waited nervously for two days after she went into labor to hear how everything went.

And now, he has arrived. HE! She’s a boy mom!!

When I saw the photo of them together, my heart tingled, like a tickle in my chest. It was such a pure form of happiness, something I’ve only felt a handful of times in life. I’ve lived a great life, don’t get me wrong, but this completely, unselfish happiness is such a rare feeling.

The fresh optimism and hope that comes with a newborn is contagious, thrilling, and overwhelming. A whole new life has just started and I know the people responsible for it.

I know I may not always be in this baby’s life but I’ll always think of him as my first baby. The one who showed me the bounds of happiness and love I didn’t know were in me.

And I’m really grateful to have a friend who has let me be a part of her journey. It’s really special and I’ll always have a soft spot for her baby.

With that, welcome to the world, Baby C! I can’t wait to watch you grow!

Originally published at http://emilybarbara.squarespace.com on June 19, 2021.